It’s cheaper than a ring, and you can even fax it straight to Jesus himself! That’s right, all virgins must hurry to Certified Virgin and register the purity of their sacred genitalia. You can even certify your friends! I’m sure they will be thrilled to hear you care so much about their nonexistant sex lives…
I must admit, though, that I expected a more stringent certification process. No inspection, no lie detector test… hell, anyone with a dollar can be a virgin these days. But hey, at least part of the proceeds (the website neglects to say how much exactly… hmm) will be going to AIDS research. Because if there’s any group that has been hit hardest by AIDS, it’s virgins.
My favorite part of this website is that it keeps track of how many “virgins” register- 180 so far! But I do wish it would provide up to date information about their wherabouts… so many cherries, so little time