Are you one of those people who would rank the brain as the body’s largest and most important sex organ? Well, things just got alot more literal…
Thanks Fiat, for what will now henceforth and forever be known as the “Brain Orgy” commercial. It’s the soundtrack that makes it an instant classic.
It’s going to be pretty hard to restrain myself on this one, so I’d better let the story itself do the talking before I go apeshit. Not in a “I kinda want to kill Earth” kind of way, but more of a “Must… resist… puns”
Here ya go:
Obligatory reference to joysticks goes here. But ok, no, what this really makes me think about was how many years I spent blowing on cartridges to make them play...
Via Dean Takahashi at Venturebeat.com, comes breaking news about how a new unholy marriage has been licensed between the two great time wasters of all time: Video games and young women with webcams.
Yes, folks, you can now pay per minute to have hot women play with you online.
Don’t get too excited just yet. For right now, this is mainly for the FPS crowd. However, it’s hilariously modeled off of the “credit” system used by Xbox Live and, soon, will be compatible with users of the Wii, Playstation 3, and World of Warcraft!
I can’t take it anymore. I have to be free to laugh about this. Deep, hernia inducing, gut busters.
I’m just imaging what fun it must be, were money no object and I could afford to replace all my gaming stuff after getting burgled last year, to set up regular “playdates” with some dusky brunette who enjoys Civilization:Revolution. I’d make her wear gold bangles, call her “Cleo” and play Rome to her Egypt, asking her if she liked how I was developing my “tech tree” to get my Legionnaires in her as fast as possible.
Or to surf for the punkiest nymph I could find to challenge to ruthless guitar shredding solos in Rock Band! If she lost to me (which she WILL) while we’re tearing our way through Sonic Youth’s “Teenage Riot”, she’d have to kiss the cam and call me Goddess.
But imagine the real possibilities! At the next LAN party, for those ancient enough to both remember and enjoy them, it could suddenly morph into double dates over rounds of soon to be released Starcraft 2. The original is like South Korea’s national sport, for crying out loud; Think of the MASSIVE influx of teenage asians who’ll climb over each other to be in the hotseat!
I would seriously use this technology at a party. Everyone around the widescreen, choosing a random lady’s day to make and bringing a room full of my best, most nerdy pals together to take turns getting fragged by her. Hell, I’d work for this site if I weren’t, you know, a transgendered warthog *cackles*
We’re past the Information Age, ya’ll. We’re officially in the Too Much Information Age.
Last minute edit: I just remembered something else. I actually knew and loved dearly some people that I know FULL WELL would, in a pinch, and as a valid “thinking outside the box” measure to advance their guild… have used this service to get a raid tank for Naxxramas. To whoever stole my account info and has been enjoying a free year of that damnable game, go ahead and enjoy my old Horde priest, but I want my money. Already got my life back, thanks!
Is it me or does church just sound like fun?
Axe commercials are a guilty pleasure of mine. Not every brand can keep recycling the same theme (“our product will GET YOU LAID”) over and over with such enthusiasm. They’ve even incorporated leather (which we’ve noted previously) and farm animals (“Find me a dirty boy”). But after seeing one of their most recent ads, I think there is something the folks at Axe aren’t telling us…
That is NOT how you hold your fingers when you run them through someone’s hair, or when you sniff them. Any pervert worth their salt knows those fingers have been up (someone’s butt) to no good.
Not convinced? Check out the one where she bends him over the counter
Or so says this new French anti-smoking campaign from the Association for Nonsmokers’ Rights- the tagline reads “Smoking means being a slave to tobacco”
The hand on the back of the head is a really nice touch, you have to admit. But I think this campaign might backfire spectacularly, what with how common submission fantasies are, especially among the orally fixiated.
Speaking of oral, this isn’t the first time smoking and blowjobs have collided
But it leaves me wondering, if this group is about the rights of nonsmokers, why would they care what goes on between consenting adult smokers and horny corporations?
HT: Huffpo
This billboard is apparently offending people. Oh, Texas, grow up!! Look how cute it is!
I know, I know, it’s just too damn easy to steal from the good folks at Carnal Nation, but forgive my laziness and ensuing linkfest. This was just too good to pass up.
One of my favorite arguments against the LGBTQ haters out there has always been the, “Whaddaya mean it’s a ‘choice’, asshat? I CHOSE to have a huge portion of the world hate me enough to do things like this to my soft, pink places?”
… to be fair, that actually looks pretty fun. Especially if I get to keep the lad. I will name him Reginald and put him in charge of pedicures and interrogations in my Tuscan villa.
I shit you not, my singing instructor told me she goes to Ikea a a couple times a week to get a workout. She timed it to a full hour walk. That's rifuckulous.
But to return to the main topic (and the first link, which would’ve given you the story much faster than little ol’ me), it’s true, there’s no more important proof.
Gays everywhere, you are now on notice. We in the LGBTQ alphabet soup of identity are now no longer struggling for acceptance; We must now struggle against a new foe: Mediocre, mundane, malefactors who manhandle us into mainstream maladjustment. In short, we’re so normal we’re boring. This story is Exhibit A.
IKEA actually paid people to “act gay” on a Mardi Gras float. That’s right. As though there weren’t enough gay muscle boys in Australia, a country/continent that’s gotta be something like 20% EXOTIC BEACH. No. Not enough real gays.
So I guess we better stop complaining about being a marginal “other” if it’s now possible for us to get paid for it. However… then again… one might also say we’re being further abused by heteronormativity because our “queerness” is now being outsourced!
If you feel as outraged (by outraged I mean laughing my kidneys into a pulp) as I do, get to know this guy and read what it’s like to have your “authenticity” stolen faster than a hollywood film playing in Beijing.
This was exactly what my day was missing- thanks Malcolm!
Trust women. How simple is that? Beautifully done, Planned Parenthood.
Side note: What do people talk about leading up to the Super Bowl? Commercials. What do they talk about leading up to the Rugby World Cup? Fuckin’ Rugby. I rest my case.
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